You know we all have that thing that has us not show up for our lives. It has us not speak up, try new things or put our ideas out there. Its that little voice or feeling that has you be like, Who are you to do that? You think you're better don’t you? Those are mine, they float and change dependent on the day.
The morning after our first Souls photo release I awoke with a ‘vulnerability hangover’. *I love this term and think it was coined by Brene Brown. That feeling you get when you reveal a part of yourself, put something out there, or do something that lays you bare and exposed for all to witness. In my case, it was my words, my captured moments and my creative offerings. Although emotionally I understand that this is subjective, in all of my humanness, I want who I am and what I do, to be received and make a difference.
Elle called me in a similar space, she had posted a low res image and was moving through stuff arising. I felt relieved by our exchange, our shared experience, and I saw the beauty in how much care and tenderness we both have for our Souls baby. Past experience has taught me, the treacherous waters of having my worth tied up in a project. Art is perception, some are going to love it and others, its just not their thing. Its about finding the ones who get you. Although ego has stepped aside and there is a guidance weaving its ways through us, it is still a fine line to walk. However this journey goes, I hold no expectations, as each day unfolds this project has a life of its own. There have been days when we have had the thought to slot in another shoot, when we come back to the heart, we are clear that this was never about knocking it over to get somewhere. This was about slowing down and savouring each soul, each experience, each learning.
I promise you that there will be times when my wheels are wobbly, my musings may not flow eloquently, my words may be repeated, my punctuation and sentence structure dishevelled. Im bringing it all, my humanness, my realness, my spirit. I spent much of my life pretending I had it all handled. So much beauty when the wheels fall off! I am learning that it is in the pretending that connection is lost. This was never going to be the place of perfection, this could only be a space to breathe, to grow organically. It could never be suffocated nor suppressed, it needed to be tended to gently with kindness and consideration. Will I make mistakes? I hope so, Im here for the messiness, the beauty, the adventure. All of it.