I have not been called to write of late, writing has felt rigorous. As I reread my deadlined writings, I feel the unnatural forcing of my words. I read clearly the disconnect and am missing flow, that is often present. I have dropped into a space of inner reflection, a world of study, reading and interpretation. My love of myth, poetry and psychology bridging the gaps of my own existence. An unravelling around the 'paradox of love'. Revelations and quaint subtleties are emerging and changing the way I make up my world.
My curiosity was raised by the parting words of the Byron Palm Reader. What does a cosmic love actually entail? Is this truth for me and if so where did this arise from. I had a beautiful marriage that was set in the practical, same dreams and sharing of ideals. Why was this not enough? Our partnership was one whereby we kept each other safe, comfortable, and also one where we kept each other very small. Our projections onto each other kept us from healing our own wounds. Year after year we fell into the same trappings of blame.
The last 3 years have been possibly the most gruelling and at times traumatic. Innana style, it was a descent to the underworld. I had to dig deep and at times was not sure I was coming back. After the initial carnage and releasing of unhealthy ways, separating was like setting 'humming birds' free from a cage. Frequently people comment on what a happy family we are, they are intrigued, why it is we are so alive and connected? With a smile, we tell people that we are separated. We explain that we are still family and are raising our children in love and tribe. They question, how we remain close friends. Emotional honesty is a gift and something that is integral to the love and holding of our family. Truth has been our families medicine, combined with a whole lot of love. Throw in some deep soul searching from Mamma and Dada, who are both committed to uncovering and owning wounds, leaving the cycles of blame and projection far behind. After 12 years, our intimate relationship was complete, what has emerged is a richness, a fullness and a deep family love.
My readings have taken me on a curious adventure, investigating the roots of romantic love from the ancient to the modern. I have been re reading the myth of Tristan and Iseult and the interpretations of these love stories infused with Jungian psychology. I find myth challenging yet profoundly healing. Revealing the layers, the conscious mind is distracted as myth gives rise to symbols and metaphors that unconsciously override the intellect. Dreams and mythology come to teach from deep within, they teach, what we need to know. They are filled with truth, paradoxes, often going against collective assumptions. They rattle and stir our fixed notions of what ‘truth’ looks like.
Songs, poetry, fables, film and culture have shaped how I view romantic love. As a child I was told stories whereby the prince comes riding in on a white horse and the princess is saved. When I fall in love, the world seems lighter, more magical. Ultimate meaning and unity, I now see that I have tried to find the divine, the transcendent in the form of another. This searching for wholeness, I had thought was to be found through the external world. I was not taught, that wholeness can not be found outside or in another, it is definitely a journey within.
Imagine being with another with the withdrawal of romantic projections, relating to another as they truly are, rather than as the carrier of my soul. What a beautiful journey, the merging of human love and divine love is a path for the brave, the courageous, the ones who feel called. It is a path of enchanting realness. It is not about choosing one over the other, making one good or bad, it is about honouring both worlds, unmasking illusion, living honestly and authentically, from the heart. To experience this outer worldly love whilst bringing conscious, presence and awareness to this being human. This bridges worlds. Bringing heaven on earth......